The Chronicles of Sun Hill
by The Vampire's Missus
Summary: A cast of oooh thousands as Sun Hill officers fight for justice for an oppressed people. Beware of Mary Sues. Now complete. Feel free to 'hat' me.
1. A Disappearing DC

A/N: Thank you to Smick for letting me borrow Charlotte Rogers, and to Pandora for letting me play with her alter-ego. Beware of Mary-Sues...

The Chronicles of Sun Hill

1: A Disappearing DC

The property storeroom was, to put it bluntly, chockablock. Nick slumped into the chair and gloomily looked at the big Book.  
Yet another cruel and unusual punishment from Smiffy. Nick sighed, some people just couldn't take a joke...

Having just sorted out where to start, someone walked in with a box full of goods. _Oh great..._, thought Nick.

An interminable time later, Nick watched as yet another person entered the property storeroom, "Now what?"  
Mickey grinned at him, leaning over to paw at the book, "Awright, Nick? Just gotta find some stuff from that warehouse case. "  
"Over in the corner...", Nick muttered, waving his pen vaguely towards the other end of the room.  
Mickey frowned and sarcastically replied, "Cheers mate."  
"You're welcome.", was the equally sarky reply as Nick tried to find his place again.

"Busy?", came a woman's voice.  
Nick looked up to see Charlie, two cups of coffee in her hands.  
He smiled, "That for me? Ta!"  
Charlie scowled, "No! it's for Mickey. He said he'd be in here, so I thought I'd keep him company. Mickey, coffee!"  
Nick scowled and was about to say some ungentlemanly things to her, but was interrupted by the door opening.  
A large box walked in, then lowered itself to reveal Tish as she dumped it on the desk.  
Nick groaned, "What's all that crap?"  
"Porn!", Tish replied.  
"Porn?", Charlie laughed, as she reached into the box.  
"Porn, of the dodgy kind.", Tish nodded.  
"The kind you and Nick make, eh?", Charlie giggled as she flipped through the titles.  
Nick frowned, "You been watching our home movies? Oh great!"

Bang on cue, the door opened and Pandora entered, preoccupied with various plastic bags. She looked up and tilted her head to check out what Charlie was looking at.  
"What's that?", she nodded.  
Charlie peered at the picture, "I think it's a mole. Why? What did you think it was???"  
Pan just smiled, dumping her bags on the desk, almost spilling the half-cold coffee. Nick growled as he grabbed the Book to safety.  
"Any chance I can get some work done?", he muttered.  
"_Gina And The Seven Goats_?", Charlie laughed, as the girls held up the dvd cases .  
"_Cops On The Beat _- check out the size of our truncheons!", Pan sniggered.  
"_What's Inside Pandora's Box? _- I bet Neil would know the answer to that. Oh this one's -", Tish stopped, noticing three sets of eyes had tracked to someone behind her. She winced, then turned, "Oh, hello Guv..."

DI Manson straightened his shoulders, "I hadn't realised that this was the new CID office...", he purred, sarcasm dripping from his lips.  
Pan held up her gear, "Just waiting to enter these in the Book."  
Tish nodded, "Same."  
Manson raised an eyebrow at Nick. He sighed, the Book balanced precariously on his knees, "I'm trying to update for this month - I'd be finished by now, except there's been a lot of people bringing stuff in and checking things out."  
Manson nodded, "Fair enough. And are you on coffee-making duties as well as Front Desk duties, Ms Rogers?"  
Charlie picked up the now-cold coffees, "I'm on refs and I thought I'd bring Mickey, er DC Webb something to perk him up."

Manson glanced around the room, "DC Webb?"  
Everyone looked around the room - he was nowhere to be seen...


	2. A Strange Discovery

2: A Strange Discovery

Nick frowned, "He was here before! I would have seen him leave."  
Charlie asked, "When before?"  
"Before you came in Char, then this lot - er - these two started to re-create a Marx Brothers movie.", Nick replied, "He said something about a warehouse case."  
Manson scowled, "Which warehouse case? There's three of them."  
Nick shrugged, nodding across the room, "He was over in the corner last I saw of him."  
Charlie walked over to the corner, the flouro lights had died and the shelves were in shadows. There was an antique wardrobe wedged in the corner, it's door slowly creaking on it's hinges. Charlie pulled the door fully open and drew some of the coats across. A slight chill wind drifted towards her and she shivered. Pandora followed and knelt by Charlie's feet, dabbing at the floor and holding up some powder on her fingers.Tish gave Nick a dangerous look, but he scowled back in offended innocence.Pan watched the powder melt, "It's snow."

Manson moved forwards and peered into the dark corner. The wardrobe seemed to extend further than the room itself, so he wriggled through to investigate. Pan looked at Charlie and followed quickly.  
Charlie blinked, "Mickey? Mickey?"  
Tish and Nick exchanged glances and rushed across the room to follow.Charlie yelped, "Hey! wait for me!", and pushed the coats aside.

Charlie stopped as she pushed the last coat aside. She shivered and blinked in amazement, "How long's this room been here?"  
Manson's breath puffed visibly, "It's not a room, we're outside."  
Pan prodded the snow - it crunched underfoot, leaving a firm imprint of her boot. She scanned the ground, looking up as a squeal from Charlie echoed around them.  
Charlie wildly flailed her arms at the back of her neck and turned to glare at Nick, "That was you, wasn't it? Come here, monkey man!"As she chased after him, another snowball splattered against her back. Charlie turned again to see Tish smiling sweetly at her. Tish smirked as Nick threw a well-aimed ball at Charlie's bum.

Manson rolled his eyes and joined Pan, his face close to hers, sharing body heat, "Any clues, Detective Constable?"  
Pan nodded, "Footprints, size nine trainers. Shall we leave the kids here and see where DC Muppet's got to?"  
Neil smirked, "Let's grab some of those coats and investigate."

They walked back as Charlie tried to dodge another pair of snowballs. She ducked, and both splatted against Manson's chest."Oh crap!", Tish muttered, as Nick turned pale.

Manson flicked them a glare and took some coats off the rack. He allowed himself a smirk as Pan shoved a handfull of snow down the front of Tish's shirt.

Charlie shivered and grabbed a coat for herself, "Oh bugger. How are we going to find Mickey?"  
Nick tore his eyes away from Tish's shirt rearranging and pulled out his mobile, "Easy. Or not..."., as he failed to get a signal.  
Pan pointed the way, "Easy. Follow his footsteps."  
Nick looked up at the sky, "As long as it doesn't snow."  
Charlie fretted, "I hope he's not lost. Poor baby."  
Manson rolled his eyes, "He's a grown man. He can take care of himself."  
Nick shrugged, "This reminds me of _The Shining_. You know, that bit where Jack Nicholson freezes to death in the maze."  
Charlie glared at him and stomped off to follow Pan and Neil. Tish shook her head and shoved a coat into his hands. He looked at the label, "These coats better not be evidence!", he shouted after her.

A lamppost stood in a clearing of trees, shining a cold light above them. Pan scanned the ground and moved off into a path through the trees. A frozen pond reflected the light. Charlie grinned at the garden gnome perched at the edge."You won't catch any fish in this cold!", she giggled to it as she walked past.  
Her grin faded as she heard Nick's impersonation of Jack Nicholson, "Little pigs! Little pigs!"  
"Shut it, Nick or I'll take a fire axe to you!", Charlie snarled.  
Nick started to mutter, "All work and no play makes Mickey a dull boy - ow! Char!."

The walked onto a rise and looked down at a frozen lake. Pan smiled and rolled her eyes, "Found him.", she drawled.

Down below, Mickey was busy building a snowman. Charlie shouted down to him and he looked up. Mickey's return smile dropped as he noticed Manson staring down at him, "Bloody hell, I'm for it.", Mickey muttered to himself. They trudged down and Mickey coughed, shamefaced at the smirking faces before him. Manson simply raised an eyebrow, noting it down for future reference.


	3. The Passenger

3: The Passenger 

The stark silence was broken by a jingling sound which gradually came nearer. A sleigh, driven by a dwarf pulled up. The passenger imperiously looked at the group in silence. She looked strangely familiar...

Charlie was the first to snigger, whispering to Tish, "McAllister's finally flipped!"  
Manson stared at the woman, "DS McAllister. I thought you were working on the Bennett fraud case?"  
"I know of no McAllister, nor of this Bennett, O Son of Adam.", the woman declared.  
Pandora frowned, "His father's name isn't Adam? Um, Debbie, where'd you get the reindeer?"  
The woman tilted her head, "O Daughter of Eva, I am not known as Debbie. I am The Ice Queen. Would you like some Turkish Delight?". She held up a silver platter filled with small, dark chocolates.  
Mickey grinned, "Cor, I love Turkish Delight. Shove over, Debs!".  
He clambered up into the carriage and shoved one into his mouth. The Ice Queen smiled down at him knowingly.

Charlie glowered at The Ice Queen, "Mickey!", she hissed, climbing next to him. He turned and popped a chocolate in her mouth. She _hmmmed_ happily, making Mickey smile at her, "Delicious, eh?"

Manson coughed, "Much as we'd love to join this tea-party, we DO have work to do. DC Webb, Ms Rogers."  
The Queen smiled at him, "I only request your company for a short ride back to the lamppost. You may do as you wish from then on."  
Manson looked at Pan, who shrugged. He held out his hand to help her up. As he sat down, the platter was offered and he sighed, taking a Turkish Delight. He watched as Pan erotically wrapped her tongue around hers, before eating it. _Might as well humour Debbie, then give her a bollocking later on_, he thought as he ate his chocolate.

Tish looked at Nick, hanging back from the sleigh. "What's up?", she whispered.  
"I've got a phobia...", he whispered back.  
Tish frowned, "Of what?"  
Nick cringed in embarrassment, "...Reindeer.", he finally admitted.  
"Oi! You coming or what?", Mickey shouted, mouth full of Turkish Delight.  
Tish nudged Nick, who warily eyed the reindeer, "Um, look. We might walk back. I ... get motion sickness."

Manson gave him a look, "Well don't take too long about it, PC Klein. I want my DS back at work ASAP."  
The Queen smiled coldly at Manson, "Your pet monkey shouldn't really be walking around without a leash. But I'm sure he's in good hands."  
Charlie sniggered, grabbing the platter from Mickey and waving it under Nick's nose, "At least have some Turkish Delight, Monkey Boy!"  
Nick scowled and started walking. Tish smirked at Charlie, "My revenge will be cruel and unexpected. Seeya."

The sleigh moved away, as Tish caught up with Nick, holding hands.  
"So, what's with the reindeer phobia?", Tish tilted her head in wonder.

Sgt Smith stood in the deserted property room, eyebrow wriggling up and down in annoyance. The Book was on the floor and several of the porn dvds were scattered across the desktop. He frowned as he noticed one of the undressed ladies on the cover looked a lot like Charlie. He shook his head and turned as something moved in the corner of his eye. A breeze seemed to be stirring the coats on the rack in the corner. He walked over and shivered, peering into the shadows.

"You're winding me up, Nick!", Tish laughed.  
"No, it's the truth. And ever since then, they freak me out.", Nick nodded sadly.  
Tish blinked, then shrugged, "Okay, so definitely no Scandinavian holidays for us."  
They walked along the path, the sleigh's tracks cutting into the snow-covered ground.

"Anyway, it's not like you to refuse chocolate.", Nick smiled.  
Tish shook her head, "I do love chocolate, yes. That purple crap inside it, no!"  
Nick stopped, "Did we come this way?"  
"We must've. The sleigh tracks lead the way.", Tish pointed.  
Nick frowned and scratched his head, pondering, just as a blood-curdling shriek filled the air.  
They stared at each other in alarm.

Smiffy stood in the clearing, looking around him in amazement. He mentally overlayed the station's layout onto this whiteness and came to the conclusion that this was where the female loos were supposed to be. He shook his head at the thought of June Ackland coming up behind him and telling him to _get out of our toilets!_

Scanning the ground, he saw several sets of footprints, and decided to investigate. As he grabbed a coat, a blood-curdling shriek pierced the air.


	4. Sgt Smith Investigates

A/N: Apologies to C.S. Lewis, who must be spinning in his grave by now.

4: Sgt Smith Investigates

On the sleigh, Mickey closed his eyes, "Uhhh, I don't feel so good, Charlie."  
Charlie scowled, "Hardly surprising given you stuffed your gob with all that Turkish Delight. She yawned, feeling a little tired despite the cold.  
Pan lifted her drowsy head from Neil's shoulder, "Are we going a bit fast?"  
Neil smiled tiredly, "Shall I call PC Stamp and pull McAllister over for speeding?", he whispered back to her. Mickey shifted uncomfortably, "I really feel sick now. I think--", he lurched forwards and vomited into The Ice Queen's lap.  
A blood-curdling shriek rang out .The Ice Queen's eyes glowed as she spat out, "Look at my dress! It's ruined! I'll have you holding a fishing rod in my front garden before tea-time!"  
The dwarf glanced back and quickly urged on the reindeer - he didn't want to hang around when his Mistress was chucking a wobbly.  
Charlie hugged Mickey to her breast and hissed, "Touch him and you're dog-meat, McAllister! Stop the sleigh, NOW!"  
The Ice Queen simply glared at her as the sleigh sped up. Manson sighed, "All right, DS McAllister, you've had your fun. Now we're going back to work."  
A stony silence and a withering glare were her only reply.  
The sleigh was now going dangerously fast. Everyone exchanged glances and thought it best to wait until the sleigh slowed down before any thoughts of escape could be made.

Nick and Tish started running towards the shriek - whatever had happened must have been horrific. They raced on as snow began to fall.

Smiffy scanned the trees for any clue, then set off in the direction of the scream - it seemed to be in the general direction of the footprints. A flurry of snow drifted into his face as the sky darkened.

The sleigh's track were starting to disappear under the fresh snow as Nick and Tish hurried on. They made their way up a slope and looked down in surprise as Smiffy's bellowing voice cried out, "What the blody hell is going on?"

"His Master's Voice.", muttered Nick as they trudged down to Smiffy.

"Well?", Smiffy asked, his eyebrow almost disappearing into his hairline.  
Tish took a deep breath, "Mickey vanished, we followed, found him, then met McAllister in a reindeer-drawn sleigh. Last we saw, Mickey was stuffing his cake-hole with Turkish Delight as they rode off back to the lamppost."  
Smiffy stared at them, "Turkish Delight?"  
Nick nodded, "Oh, and a dwarf was piloting the sleigh."  
Smiffy blinked, "You make it sound like an everyday occurrence. McAllister and a dwarf? Sure it wasn't Gary Best?"  
Nick shrugged, "Given all the weird stuff that's happened at this nick, this counts as fairly normal."  
Smiffy eyebrow wriggled again, "Fair point, I s'pose. Anyway, they didn't come back to the lamppost, 'cos I would have either met up with them or seen their footprints going back. Then there was that scream...Right, let's see if we can follow the tracks and find out what the hell is going on."

They nodded and set off in the thickening snow. Quickening their pace, they managed to find where the sleigh turned away from the footsteps, then the trail ended under the fresh snow.They scanned the forest path, listening for any sounds but it was eeriely quiet.  
Nick sighed, "I think we need back-up. We'll never find them by ourselves."  
Tish nodded, "The Dog Squad should be able to track them."  
Smiffy pondered, "Reckon there's more of those entry points tucked away in cupboards and store-rooms around the nick?"  
Tish frowned, "Could be. I've noticed some of the stationery cupboards can be strangely chilly around my legs. Haven't you noticed, Nick?"  
Smiffy raised an eyebrow, "Hang around the stationery cupboards a lot you two?"  
Nick coughed, "Maybe we should organise a search of the more isolated rooms, just in case."  
Smiffy nodded, "I'll ask the Inspector to organise the dog squad, while you two can set up the search for other portals. We meet back at the inspector's office in fifteen minutes. Let's get to it."


	5. The Most Gorgeous Sight

5: The Most Gorgeous Sight

Mickey groaned, stirring slightly. His eyes fluttered open, adapting to the dim light. The others lay fast asleep, softly breathing. Several dwarves started to carry Manson and Pandora away. Mickey shook his head, trying to clear it. He tried to sit up, but everything started spinning around him, finally he managed to stay upright. He got up to his feet and looked around. The sleigh was now empty and he figured the dwarves would be back for him soon. He looked down one corridor, then the other - where were the others?

Smiffy knocked on Gina's door, "Erm, Ma'am. Can I have a word?"  
Gina nodded, "Anything to distract me from these figures, Smithy. What can I do for you?"  
Smiffy frowned, "Well, we need the Dog Squad. It's a long story, but it seems there's more to this building than meets the eye."  
Gina looked nonplussed, "Oh? Do tell..."  
"Well, half of CID has gone missing in a sort of weird outside bit that's really inside the building. It's hard to explain, you really need to see for yourself, Ma'am.", Smiffy shrugged.  
Gina nudged open her bottom drawer and checked the contents of the bottle - it seemed to be less than full, so she looked up and brightly said, "Oh, is that so? Actually, you could take Reg with you to investigate. Reg!", she called out to PC Hollis, just passing by the office.

"Yes, Ma'am? Sarge?", Reg smiled.  
Smiffy sighed, "With respect, I really think you ought to come yourself. There's a snow-covered forest inside the Property Storeroom - except it's sorta outside it."  
Reg perked up, "Are you talking about some sort of interstitial between dimensions, or times, perhaps?  
Both Gina and Smiffy stared at Reg blankly, so he shook his head and announced, "Well come on, let's see!", and hurried away to the storeroom. Smiffy dashed after him, while Gina shrugged and followed, a bemused smile on her face.

Mickey slinked down a passageway, keeping to the shadows, ready for anything - or at least hoping he was. He crept into a corner and watched as the Ice Queen swished about a large, ornately furnished room. Dwarves scurried about, trying to keep out of her way. She was muttering to herself as she held out her vomit-covered skirt, "Bloody little bugger, I swear I'm going to have fun making him pay. Tarquin! Get this cleaned, NOW!"  
An elderly dwarf quickly took the skirt away, nearly falling over in his haste to get away from his mistress. Another dwarf tried to dodge him, dropping a glass as he turned. An ominous quiet filled the room before a crackling light flew from the Ice Queen's ruby ring.  
Mickey gasped as the dwarf turned to stone where he stood. He shook his head and silently crept back down the corridor, hoping that he could find Charlie and the others before that cow lost her temper again...

Nick and Tish opened the door to the stationery storeroom and went in, testing the walls. A sound from behind a set of shelves caught their attention.  
"Hello?", called Nick.  
There was a sound of scuffling about before Jo peered out, "Er, yes? Need anything?"  
She hurriedly stood up and blocked Nick's view of the area behind the shelves.  
Nick smiled, "This is gonna sound a bit...weird, but have you noticed any strange passageways in here?"  
Jo bit her lip, "Erm, no...can't say I have. Er, why, should there be?"  
"Found it!", cried Tish from the rickety old locker in the corner near the door. She stepped through and pushed away branches to step through into a forest of brittle, frozen trees. Nick and Jo followed and gazed round in wonder. A gasp from behind them revealed Samantha.  
Nick turned and smiled, "Get dressed in a hurry this morning, Sarge?", indicating her shirt.  
She looked down, surprised, "Oh! Have I been like this all day?"  
Jo looked up into the air innocently, changing the subject, "So, what are we looking at here?"  
Nick repeated the story they had told Smiffy and shrugged.

Mickey crept through the underground crypt, pausing as he saw a dwarf at the far end. He sidled down the passageway and noticed that the dwarf was fast asleep. Mickey checked the little window set into the nearest door. Charlie was fast asleep on a bed of furs. Mickey smiled and walked over to the dwarf guard and took his keys. He opened the door and gently shook Charlie's shoulder. Her hair was spilled over her face and she was gently snoring, but Mickey thought she was the most gorgeous sight in the world right now.  
"Char!", he whispered, leaning over to brush her hair away, "Wake up. I'll make you breakfast. C'mon, girl. Look if you don't wake up, I'll pour Nick's coffee down you!"  
Charlie stirred and groaned, "Ten minutes more, Dale...", she muttered.  
Mickey raised an eyebrow and pinched her bum, quickly putting his hand over her mouth as she squealed, finally waking up.  
Mickey warned her, "Shhhhhh! Don't wake the guard up!"  
Charlie looked around in confusion, then was dragged to her feet as Mickey led her away, pausing as she wrapped her arms around him.

As Mickey looked into the next cell, Charlie saw the guard dwarf sprawled in his chair, "Mickey, did you knock him out? You're so brave!"  
Mickey shrugged, "Don't mention it. C'mon, let's wake up these two", as he unlocked the cell.


	6. Uh oh

6: Uh-oh...

As Smiffy, Gina and Reg walked into the Property Storeroom, they found Honey waiting by the table.  
"This place is a mess, Sarge! Where's the Book?", she moaned.  
Smiffy shook his head, "It's a very long and strange story..."  
Reg nodded, "It is indeed, Honey. Shall we have a look, Ma'am, Sarge?"  
Smiffy led the way through the wardrobe, turning to see their reactions.

Gina stood by the lamppost, shaking her head in wonder. Reg tilted his head in thought, "You know, this could be a rift in the space-time continuum, or possibly a fracture into an island in the inter-dimensional void...", he trailled off, muttering to himself.  
Smiffy looked at Gina and simply raised an eyebrow.  
Gina nodded, "Okay...Dog Squad it is. I need a drink. Come on."  
They left Reg pottering about, lost in his theories. Honey frowned as she tried to understand what the hell he was talking about.

In the stationery room, the other group decided to split up, Jo and Samantha would round up officers to look for more entrances, Nick and Tish to start to explore the surroundings, agreeing to re-group in ten minutes at Insp. Gold's office.  
They set off up a slope and scanned around them, the crack of a branch underfoot alerting them to someone following...

Mickey tried to shake Pandora and Manson awake, his futile efforts making Charlie roll her eyes. She reached over to a table and threw a jug of water over them. She smiled as they woke with a start.  
Pan shook the water from her face, snarling at Charlie, then remembered what had happened. Mickey shrugged, "No time for talk, we gotta get outta here.", half pushing them out the cell.

Honey and Reg had been walking, deep in conversation when they suddenly noticed their surroundings. They looked around, hoping their footprints were still behind them, able to take them home.  
Honey sighed, "Oh Reg...I think we're lost!"  
Reg nodded, "I should've unthreaded my scarf, but it was knitted by Marilyn, so..."  
Honey stroked his arm sympathetically, "It's awright, darlin'."  
"Yes, you will indeed get back.", came a voice.


	7. Escape?

7: Escape?

In The Ice Queen's castle, Mickey led the group along a corridor, pausing at the sound of muttering from a room.  
Everyone peered round the corner as a dwarf pottered about a room full of little cages. They were full of puppies and Charlie gasped, whispering, "Poor little things!"  
The dwarf kept muttering to himself, "So her Ladyship says she needs a new coat and only puppy fur will do. But how does one shear a puppy? Her Ladyship says she doesn't need the puppy, just the fur..."  
Charlie whimpered, "She wants to kill those puppies! Mickey, we need to save them!"  
Mickey sighed, "Please Charlie, we need to get out of here. We can't go lugging 400 puppies around with us!"  
Charlie scowled, "If Smiffy were here, he'd do something!"  
Manson dragged her away, "Well he's not and I am, so we're leaving!"  
Remaining quiet, Pan reluctantly looked back at the puppies and followed.

Yet another passageway led to a frozen, decayed garden. It would have once been beautiful, but now was just a mess of broken statues and ornaments. Mickey looked at the statues sadly, knowing what - _who_ - they once were.  
Mickey led the way outside, "Look, I think we can get over the wall here. See the tree growing next to it?"  
Charlie snorted, "I don't do trees."  
Neil sighed, "Now you do. We'll give you a hand, Ms Rogers."  
Charlie panicked, "But!"  
Pan dragged her across the frozen lawn, "Get moving, lardarse."  
Any protest from Charlie was lost in the frozen air as Pan climbed up, holding a hand out for Neil as she balanced on top of the wall.

Neil followed easily, reaching down for Charlie. She nervously accepted, nearly giggling as Mickey pushed her leg and bottom up to the first branch. She gained confidence and climbed all the way up to the wall, only to gasp as she looked down.  
"Bloody hell.", she muttered.  
Pan rolled her eyes and said, "You're landing on snow. Don't worry.", blithley she pushed Charlie off. She jumped next to her and got a fistfull of snow for her troubles.  
"Sod you.", Charlie hissed.  
Neil jumped down next to them, "Ladies...", he muttered quietly.

Charlie stood up and found a crack in the wall, "Mickey!", she hissed.  
Mickey was half-way up the tree when he saw The Ice Queen come out onto the balcony. "Oh crap.", he whispered to himself.


	8. Deus ex Machina

Ch 8: Deus ex Machina

Nick and Tish turned to see a woman stainding behind them. Her ragged clothes were covered by an animal fur, crudely stiched together. Nick smiled, "Wow! You look like Boadicea!"  
The woman sighed, smiling, "Yeah, I get that a lot...Anyway, you're from Sun Hill, aren't you?"  
Tish nodded, "So, you know about our side?"  
The woman nodded, "Used to be my side too, but one day I went to get a new pen", she held up a biro clenched in her hand, "and ended up here. I couldn't get back. I'm WPC, well ex-WPC Debbie Keane."  
"PC Nick Klein, DS Tish Bratikiova.", Nick pointed behind them, "There's a portal just over there if you want to come back. How long you been here, then?"  
Debbie shrugged, "It might be 8 years, maybe more. Diney's been here for almost 20. But it's strange, no-one here has seemed to get older. Maybe we shouldn't risk going back. Besides, we're waiting for our leader to return. Only he can defeat Her."  
Tish exchanged a look with Nick, "Her? The Ice Queen? She's got some of our friends and we want them back."  
Debbie's face darkened, "If they're lucky, the still be themselves. She has a nasty temper and a large collection of statues. Statues that used to be people."

Smiffy watched Gina make the call to the Dog Squad. She sighed and held out the phone as the hold music - _"How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?" _played.

Mickey crawled round the tree and nestled in a brach right next to the wall, watching The Ice Queen. She settled down and seemed to be watching something over the wall. Mickey looked round him, trying to see if he could climb over without being spotted.

Gina sighed again, "Look, I know you're busy, but six hours? Can't you spare even one dog and handler?"  
Smiffy looked at the ceiling and shook his head as Gina put down the phone, "We're gonna have to find them ourselves, Ma'am."

On the other side, Neil looked around and pushed Pan and Charlie behind a thicket, "There's an army setting up base right next to us.", he hissed.  
Pan swore in three different languages as she peeked through the branches.  
Charlie whispered through the hole in the wall, "Mickey! Don't climb over. There's an army on this side. You'll be seen!"  
Mickey's voice drifted back, "Her Bitchness in on the balcony watching. I'll try and find another way out. Are you trapped there?"  
Charlie sighed, "Yeah, looks like it."

Pan had heard - or felt - some sort of bass hum and crawled further into the thicket. The sound grew slightly louder and she suddenly felt metal in front of her. She pushed open the little door and crawled out into a room.  
She stood up and brushed herself off, noticing some graffiti on the wall - _"Cathy 4 Brandon". _"Boiler room.", she nodded to herself as she crawled back to the others.

Manson did a double-take as she re-joined them, "Where'd you disappear to?"  
Pan smiled, "C'mon. Found another portal!"  
Charlie shook her head, "I'm not leaving Mickey!"  
Mickey's voice drifted back, "Charlie, go. I'll find me own way back. I promise!"  
Charlie was about to protest, but Manson was staring at her again, so she crawled along into the boiler room.

Reg and Honey stared in shock. Finally, Reg spoke, "I remember you. Um..CID..Baker, DC Tom Baker."  
DC Baker smiled, inclining his head, "PC Hollis, you are a sight for sore eyes. As is your friend, PC...?"  
Honey smiled, "Honey Harman. How did you get here?"  
Tom shrugged, "Well, one day I went to fetch some case notes for DCI Meadows, and ended up here. There are other officers stuck here, too. And a powerful, malignant woman. She's pure evil and I've been charged to stop her. Hence my Army of Righteousness!", he swept his hand theatrically to show a sizeable, but somewhat haggard army of TREVs.


	9. Debriefing

Ch 9: De-briefing

Regrouping in Inspector Gold's office, the team were joined by Jack Meadows.  
Nick and Tish told their part, while Reg explained his findings. Neil briefed everyone on the layout of the Ice Palace, in case a full-scale invasion were needed.  
Charlie loitered in the corner, the absence of Mickey playing on her mind. She snapped back to reality at the sound of Gold's voice, "Charlie, go back to the Front Desk, there's nothing more you can do."  
Charlie started to argue, but Manson started glaring at her again. She shut up and left, giving Smiffy a challenging look. He could only give her a shrug before she turned away.  
Jack nodded to Smiffy, "Get CO19 down here."

Mickey watched as The Ice Queen strode back inside. Breathing a sigh of relief, he pondered what to do. Finally he nodded to himself and slipped inside the palace.  
He crept through corridors and up a flight of stairs, judging a room to be where the balcony was. Mickey listened to the Queen's softly singing voice, and peered round the door.  
Steam billowed from a half-open door in the other corner of the room. Mickey quickly dodged into the room and got an eyefull of the naked Ice Queen as she threw her clothes on the floor.  
He dodged back behind a curtain and scanned the room, darting forwards to the dressing table. He snatched up the death ring and safely tucked it into his shirt pocket.  
He momentarily thought of trying to drown the Queen in her bath, but a terrifying vision of that bit in _'Fatal Attraction'_ made him shudder and think better of it.  
Mickey decided that discretion was the better part of valour and legged it.

Smiffy cleared his throat as he waiting to be connected. Several pairs of eyes watched him expectantly. Half of _"I've Got A Pistol In My Pocket (And It's Pointed At You)" _played before the phone was answered.  
"Elliot! How are you, mate?", he finally said.  
_"Smiffy me old mucker, what can we do for you?", _came the reply.  
"Erm, we need CO19 for a special operation down here. It's a bit difficult to explain, but it involves some sort of dimensional doorway between worlds and a massed Army of Darkness...", Smiffy carefully said.  
There was a pause, then a chuckle, _"Nice one mate, had me going for a bit."  
_"Elliot, look, I'm begging you. We need your help."  
Elliot shuffled some papers, _"Er, look, we've just had a call about a...er...hostage situation. Gotta dash."  
_Gina's patience flared and she snatched the phone, "Oi! Get down here now! There's an army of Orcs ready to cause death and destruction on a massive scale. Hello?"  
Elliot coughed, _"Sorry Ma'am, it's just this terrorist exercise we've been called out to. Bye. Give my regards to that cracker, Cathy Bradford!"  
_"Little bugger hung up on me!", Gina exclaimed.  
"Looks like we're on our own then.", Jack said softly.

Each officer was assigned to a group of the snowbound TREVs, to prepare for the coming battle.  
Lance looked at the mass of weary and hungry TREVs, "An army marches on its stomach. We need to feed them, get their strength back." He glanced down at the tuna fish rolls in his lunchbox, "I'll handle it. Be back soon!"  
Tish muttered to Nick, "The Christian symbolism around here is getting ridiculous!"  
Soon Lance returned with his secret weapon - Maureen The Canteen Lady. Her staff quickly set up a table and pots of hot food appeared. The TREVs eagerly lined up, trays ready. The line slowly shortened, each person politely saying _"please" _and _"thank you" _as they received their meal.  
Maureen raised an eyebrow at Nick, "Such well-behaved people, unlike certain people who prod and poke at the bananas."  
Tish smirked as Nick pouted, "I like my fruit fresh, Maureen. How else am I supposed to tell?"

Charlie wandered around the station, finding someone guarding each portal. She sighed and went into the recreation room to sulk.  
Gary walked in, "Er Charlie, have you seen DS Hunter? He's got a group waiting for him."  
Charlie scowled, "Nope. I'm just in the way, apparantly..." , she gave the vending machine a kick. Something clattered behind it and a cool breeze drifted out. Exhanging a look, they bent down and peered through the gap, another portal - Charlie slipped through and found that it led right into the Ice Palace.  
Gary called out, "Hey, don't!", and followed her.  
Charlie thought of Mickey and the puppies, then smiled, "Come on Gao. We've got a mission of our own to do!"


	10. Preparing For The War

Ch 10: Preparing For The War

Tish nudged Smiffy as Pandora strode by. He sighed, "Look, can I ask a favour?"  
Pan frowned, "What's up?"  
Smiffy scratched his head, "Can I ask you to go back in the castle and try and find Mickey? Charlie's worried sick, and I don't want her thinking we don't care..."  
Pan smiled, "You know, I did have a similar idea..."  
Tish nodded, "You'll need to take someone with you, just in case."  
Pan nodded, "Yeah, I got someone in mind."

With the TREVs fed, the task of organising them lay ahead. Spare ASPs were handed out, and the TREVs reaquainted themselves with them, swishing them about in mock combat.  
Reg nodded to Nick and Lance, "Well, we're as ready as we'll ever be. It's time!"

From the doorway, Phil had watched as Charlie's bum wriggled through the portal. Deciding he could do with a laugh, he followed them through, watching as she and Gary strode away. He sniffed and started walking up a stairway.

Pandora watched as Stuart demonstrated a headlock on Zain. Zain wriggled out and scowled, "That's pretty naff, you need to press harder, wimp."  
Stuart laughed, "Show me then, Schwarzenegger!"  
Zain obliged, "See? You need more time in the gym. Feel that.", proffering his arm.  
Staurt grinned, "I've seen you in the gym. You do a nice bit of snatch and jerk."  
Pandora smiled, "Boys, I need you for a special mission. Boiler room, now!"

Mickey carefully edged along yet another passage. The ominous quiet freaked him out. He freaked out more as a figure loomed ahead of him. Blinking, he hissed, "Charlie! What the hell are you doing back here?"  
Charlie gasped and hugged him for all he was worth, "MickeyMickeyMickeyMickey!"  
"Yeah, all right, I know me name...", Mickey said, trying to get her hair out of his mouth.


	11. War Cry

Ch 11: War Cry

The massed armies stood facing each other, ready for bloodshed. There was a tense stand-off as they waited.

From her balcony, The Ice Queen, freshly bathed and freshly annoyed at losing her favorite death ring, signalled for the battle to commence. She twisted her second-favorite death ring around her finger and scowled at it. She decided to kick some of the statues in the garden whilst she waited for the boring first bit of the battle to pass.

A ululating cry pierced the air as Samantha Nixon crested the top of the hill, an army of dwarves at her side. Jo, Tish and the TREVs turned at the sound.  
"Bloody hell...", muttered Jo.  
Tish sniggered, "Who better to lead an army of garden gnomes?"  
Jo smirked as she looked down at her, "Well, I can think of at least one other candidate."  
Tish scowled, muttering a few words best kept censored.

In the Ice Garden, Phil looked quizzically at the staues - they seemed so real. He turned and grinned as The Ice Queen approached. She seemed amused to see him and smiled back.  
Phil swaggered over to The Ice Queen, a smirk playing over his lips, his eyes fixed on her pumped up breasts, "Well, don't you look gorgeous? You should wear stuff like that more often. It really brings out your...eyes."  
The Ice Queen stood silently staring back at him, letting her eyes drop. Eventually, she licked her lips and smiled slightly.  
Phil noticed what she was looking at and smiled to himself, thinking, _"I'm in, there!"_

Yvonne nodded to her team of TREVs and advanced on the opposing army, ASP swinging away to her heart's content, scoring several direct hits. "Gotcha, you little mongrels!" she growled.

Mickey finally got free of Charlie's octopus-like embrace, "Look, you shouldn't have come back here. Queen Debs is a freaking psycho. Gary, why did you let her come?"  
Gary held up his hands, "Hey mate, she's unstoppable. You know that."  
Mickey nodded, "Okay. But let's get back, please."  
Charlie dragged Mickey along, "There's something we need to do before we get out of here!"

The Ice Queen watched Samantha and her dwarf army charge up a hill and promptly plummet headlong into a pit. Samantha screeched as sharp wooden spikes slowly skewered them. The Ice Queen smiled her satisfaction at the dwarf by her side, turning her attention to the rest of the battle.

The sounds of the battle echoed against the castle walls as Pan, Zain and Stuart looked for a doorway. Stuart whispered to Pan, "So, what exactly is our mission?"  
Pan glanced back, "A rescue mission."


	12. Sacrifice

A/N: ...and now the Phil fans will 'hat' me. Oh dear.

Ch 12: Sacrifice

Mickey groaned as Charlie opened a door, "You've gotta be kidding me!"  
Gary broke into a gooey grin at the sight of the puppies, "Awww..."  
"Please, Mickey. They haven't hurt anybody.", Charlie replied, holding up a puppy to him.  
Mickey reluctantly took it, "We can't. It'll be too dangerous going back and forth with them all."  
"There's another portal just a few yards away.", Charlie answered.  
"Oh, great! You could have told us that before!", Pandora retorted, standing in the doorway.  
"Mickey! You okay? Looks like our rescue mission's been accomplished for us!" Stuart laughed.  
Charlie smiled, "Not quite!", shoving puppies into their hands.  
Zain groaned, "Now look-", but was silenced by a puppy licking his face. He grinned at it, "Aren't you a cheeky little thing?"  
Mickey laughed, wishing he had his camera.

From her balcony, The Ice Queen's face darkened with rage. Her evil army was getting it's collective arse kicked by these puny strangers. The dwarf beside her wondered how fast he could run.  
"Nathan, have my sleigh ready.", the Queen growled.  
The dwarf gratefully bowed and withdrew, hoping to use the sleigh for his own get-away. The Queen's voice drifted over to him, "I hope you weren't thinking anything you might regret, Nathan..."  
Nathan bowed, "Oh nooo, Ma'am. I was thinking of the warmest blanket for your comfort, Ma'am."  
"Good lad. Off you go.", The Queen smiled coldly.

Outside, the battle raged fiercely - dead and wounded were strewn everywhere. Officers raced back and forth, rescuing their friends and colleagues.

On evil warrior, twice voted Ugly Git of the Year, swept his weaponry against a group of TREVs. Tom shouted at him and the beast turned, raising his weapon. Tom lunged forward, but what was pushed aside by a blow from the creature. Winded, Tom looked up and prepared to defend himself. A dark flash blocked his view as Lance leapt over him, raining blow upon blow on the creature. With a desperate final effort, the beast sliced at Lance and he fell down. That was the last thing the beast lived to see.

Lance lay in Tom's arms, his stricken face slowly becoming placid and joyful as he looked up. He whispered something, then died. Tom nodded and stood up, his face determined. He readied his ASP and marched forwards, charged with righteousness.

On their last trip with the puppies, Mickey and co. dodged back as the dwarf hurried off to the reindeer stable. Stuart frowned, "Wonder where's he's off to in such a hurry?"  
Zain handed over his puppies, "Let's find out, shall we?"  
Charlie stood with an armfull of puppies and raced back to the rec room, gently dumping them on the couch. Not wanting to miss anything she dashed back in time to see Gary go round a corner trying to catch up with the others, "Charlie! Over here.", he hissed.

Debbie Keane and Dinesh Patel fought side-by-side with Nick and Tish, helping and encouraging each other. A points system had been agreed upon for creative battle tactics. Tish's only regret was that her chainsaw was in for a service...

Creeping across the frozen garden, Charlie and Pan stopped at a tall statue.  
Charlie tilted her head, "Is that Phil?"  
Pandora nodded, "Yep. She must've got him, too!"  
Charlie giggled, "He's even holding a fishing rod."  
Pandora shook her head, "That's not a fishing rod..."  
Charlie blinked, looking closer, "Then what...oh my god! She even tied a line to it! Poor Phil...Hang on, it's Phil, what am I saying???"  
She caught Pandora's eye and they struggled against a fit of the giggles.  
Zain and Stuart shared a glance and mentally crossed their legs in empathy.

Having readied the reindeer, Nathan the dwarf was startled to find himself surrounded.  
Stuart smiled coldly at him, "Going somewhere?"  
He gulped and held up his hands, "Look, I'm just a menial employee. All care, no responsiblity. You should talk to management! But be careful! She'll be down in a minute!"  
Zain smiled, "I've got an idea..."  
Pan noticed who he was looking at, "Yep, I think I might be thinking the same."  
Gary stared back at them, "...What?"


	13. Red Over White

Ch 13: Red Over White

Blood spilled red over the white landscape. Pain-stricken cries of the wounded and dying rang out in echoes. The air over the battlefield hung heavy with death.  
Jack valiantly led his group forwards, knowing his team could beat any obstacle - even one as terrible as this.

The Ice Queen snarled as she swept down the stairs. Grabbing a bag of clothes and jewels, she fled to the stable-yard.  
"Nathan! We're going!", she shouted, climbing up into the carriage.  
Nathan didn't turn, still slouching in the driver's seat.  
"Nathan, wake up or you get the you-know-what!", she growled.  
The dwarf finally turned, revealing himself to be Gary in the dwarf's outfit, "Screw you, bitch-face!"

The Ice Queen hyperventilated in shock, adding hissing and spitting to the repertoire as Zain and Stuart grabbed her from each side.  
Mickey slipped the death ring from her finger, "Dunno how many of these you've got. But I can tell ya, you're not getting any of 'em back!"

A silence came over the battleground as the hideously ugly Army of Darkness cut it's losses and ran away.  
As the last TREVs limped and staggered across the slowly melting snowfield, the team gazed out, lost in their own thoughts.  
DC Baker sighed, then held his head high, proud of his victory, but saddened by the terrible cost many of his followers had paid. He blinked back a tear as Jo squeezed his shoulder.  
Peace had come at last...

In the stable-yard, The Ice Queen slumped in her carriage seat. Her bottom lip trembled, "All I wanted was nice things. Is that really too much to ask?"  
Mickey sighed, "Debs, you enslaved a race of people and killed many more. That doesn't get you nice things. It gets you hated and feared and loathed."  
With tears in her eyes The Ice Queen looked around the castle, then out the open gate, "What if I let the minions have holidays here? They could have sleigh rides and-"  
Zain snapped, "Debbie! It's over. You aren't a queen. All right, you may look like a drag queen..."  
A sudden deafening crack made them all turn. One of the ice chandeliers of the Ice Palace had crashed to the ground.  
Stuart softly mused, "Her reign has ended, and the castle knows it...Oh shit!"

They all turned back to see the sleigh race past them, The Queen's voice echoing back, "I'll get you bastards one day! I promise!"  
Mickey raced forward, putting the ring on. He unleashed a bolt of fire at her. The ray narrowly missed the Queen as she swept behind a tree. Everyone stared at the half-carbonated tree, then at Mickey in awe.  
Gary piped up, "So, do we tell the Guv that all six of us let her escape?"  
The withering glares he got in response were enough to shut him up. Charlie scowled at him, "All _five_, Gary. I'm just the FDO, love."


	14. The WrapUp Bit

Ch 14: The Wrap-Up Bit

Everyone shook hands or hugged the TREVs and Tom as they filed back through the wardrobe.  
Debbie and Dinesh stood arm-in-arm with Nick and Tish.  
"Are you sure you don't want to come through?", Nick asked.  
Dinesh shook his head, "Our time's gone. Things have changed too much."  
Debbie nodded, "The snow's already melting, and look - a rose. This place is reviving. We'll look after it."

The last to go through was Jack - he silently nodded at Tom, who raised his hand in response then simply turned away.

The rec room filled with weary officers, wondering what all those puppies were doing there.  
Mickey stood lost in thought, "Er, where's Phil?"  
Jo snorted wickedly, "Eh, who cares?"

Nick brightened up, "I know, I'll make everyone coffee!"  
He switched on the urn and turned back, "Who wants-", then stopped at the sight of the empty room, the door swinging on it's hinges.  
"Still got me. But only if you make _tea_.", Tish smiled, as Nick bent over the mini-fridge, "_Phwaor...", _she growled.

Loitering in a corridor, Stuart rubbed his neck. Zain watched him, "You need a hot shower and a massage."  
Pandora licked her lips, "I've got some shower gel that's good for aches and stiff joints..."  
Stuart grinned as Zain and Pandora dragged him away.

Gina leant into Jack's office. "Fancy a drink?", she asked, waggling a bottle in the air.  
Jack smiled, "This one's on me!", holding up his own bottle.  
Gina slipped inside and shut the door, "Cheers, Jack! Let's get blotto!"

Charlie sat on Smiffy's desk, smiling at him, "I heard it was your idea that Pan go rescue Mickey. I thought you had other priorites..."  
Smiffy smiled back, "If I didn't send someone to get him back, you probably would have gone in there yourself. Headstrong, that's what you are."  
Charlie grinned, "And don't you forget it, Sgt. Smith."  
"Why aren't you off with him now? I would have thought you'd handcuff yerself to him just in case.", Smiffy asked.  
Charlie blushed, her eyes drawn to Smiffy's handcuffs, "Oh plenty of time for that later. I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you, Dale."

The rest of CID trudged back upstairs to the office, stopping as one as they saw Debbie McAllister glaring back at them.  
"Thank you all for leaving me to do all these. I've had no idea where any of you were. I've had to stall people when they rang up...", she slumped down in her chair.  
Neil exchanged a look with Mickey, then coughed, "Er, thank you Debbie. You can have the afternoon off for all your hard work."  
Debbie blinked, "Sorry Guv, I didn't see you there. Um, I was just a bit frustrated...um..."  
Neil nodded, "No, no. Quite all right. Please, have the afternoon off."  
Debbie blinked again, "Oh, okay. Thank you, Guv.", she grabbed her jacket and waltzed out of the office.  
Mickey shook his head in amazement, "Do you think it was really...?"

Debbie grinned as she trotted down the stairs, making an "oooh" sound as she found something in her pocket. She pulled it out and unwrapped it, "Mmmmm, Turkish Delight."

The End.


End file.
